Rilin’ The Chickens

By Richard Gams

“Come in sheriff. What brings you all the way out to this God forsaken place?”

“Hello Jason. I need to talk to you about Tim Murdoch.”

“You mean that sumbitch who shot my dog?”

“The very one. Want to tell me what happened?”

“Well, when I found my dog shot I begun figuring who might have done it. It’s not like there’s so many folks around here. And Tim Murdoch and me have not been on the best of terms. You remember when I finally got a well dug he claimed it was on his property and I had to pay the county surveyor to come all the way out here and prove it was within my line. So I figured it musta been him.”

“So what did you do?”

“I got in my truck and drove over to his place and ast him, ‘Tim Murdoch, did you shoot my dog?’” And he says, “Yes I did. Your dog was around here rilin’ up my chickens.”

“Rilin’ up your chickens? You shot my dog for rilin’ up your chickens? Did he kill any of them?”

“No, none of them was kilt. But he riled them up so they was off the nests and quit layin’ and I need them eggs.”

“None of them was kilt but you shot him anyways.”

“I was just going to spray him with some bird shot to scare him off and let him know not to come round here no more.”

“But the dog is dead. Bird shot wouldn’t of kilt him.”

“Yeah that. Well, I plum forgot I had a deer slug left in the chamber after last hunting season. It’s a mistake anyone coulda made.”

“Well sheriff, I begun to ruminate on what I needed to do. I can’t have some sumbitch shoot my dog and do nothin.”

“You coulda shot his dog,” suggested the sheriff.

“Why would I do that? His dog never done nothin’ to me. Never bothered none of my stock. I’m not like that sumbitch Murdoch. I would never shoot no innocent dog.”

“So what did you do?”

“Well, I decided to give him a lesson so I went back to my truck and got out my 12 gauge which was loaded with number nine bird shot which I use to hunt pigeons and I was gonna pepper him good. But I misremembered the slug left in the chamber from last deer season. You know sheriff, anyone coulda made a mistake like that.”