An Open Letter to William Wonka
The matter of blackness
I think it is about time we got something straight. When you sent your agents to Africa, they sent back a number of black African pygmies. When people objected to your enslavement of black Africans (albeit pygmies) you painted us orange and called us Oompa Loompas so as to disguise our origins.
At this time, we have decided to refuse to answer to Oompa Loompa and we will no longer allow anyone to paint us orange. We are proud to be black and will no longer disguise ourselves.
The matter of pay
Just because you brought us here as slaves, we feel it is no longer reasonable for us to work without pay. Admittedly you have recently allowed us to have some bon bons but they are not substitute for money. And even the bon bons are not the best quality. They are the rejects from quality control. FYI, we do not accept bitcoin.
The matter of freedom
You may no longer prevent us from venturing outside. Keeping us locked in the factory without pay and painting us orange has gone on long enough. Every other slave in the world has been emancipated and so should we be. Also, we have heard that there is even a movement afoot to pay formerly enslaved people reparations. We demand the same. And not in bon bons.
We are real people with a rich heritage. We are not orange clowns who dance around. We are actually expert at manufacturing candy. If you do not accede to our demands, we will leave (try and stop us) and start our own candy business. After all , we have all the formulas and are the only ones who know how to do it. In fact, while you make the money, you don’t have a clue as to how to actually do anything.
The African Pygmies
or the FORMER Oompa Loompas